My Husband Goes on Getaways With His Mom and Leaves Me Behind

One of the most frustrating feelings is knowing that a third person is causing arguments in your marriage. Cynthia has recently been at odds with her husband because he’s choosing to go on mini vacations at his mother’s invitation, leaving her behind to care for the kids at home. Cynthia feels like she can’t take it anymore and reached out to us for advice.

Here is Cynthia’s letter.

We’re glad you shared your story with us, Cynthia! Here are some tips that we hope can be useful.

Establish boundaries.

Have a calm and open conversation with your husband about the importance of shared responsibilities in parenting and maintaining balance in your relationship.

Clearly express your feelings about being left behind while he surfs, and assert the need for equitable time spent together as a family. Emphasize that while his relaxation is important, it shouldn’t come at the expense of neglecting his duties as a husband and father.

Seek professional counseling.

Consider seeking couples therapy or counseling to address the underlying issues in your marriage.
A qualified therapist can help facilitate productive communication between you and your husband, explore the dynamics of his relationship with his mother, and develop strategies for setting healthy boundaries.

Therapy can provide a neutral space to express your concerns and work toward mutually beneficial solutions.

Empower yourself financially.

Take proactive steps to assert your independence and financial stability. Explore opportunities for personal growth and self-care that don’t rely on your husband’s participation or approval. This could involve pursuing further education or training, developing your career, or engaging in hobbies and activities that bring you fulfillment and confidence.

Strengthening your financial independence can help mitigate the impact of your husband’s behavior and empower you to make decisions that prioritize your well-being and that of your children.

Set consequences for disrespectful behavior.

Clearly communicate to your husband the consequences of his dismissive and disrespectful attitude toward your concerns. Establish boundaries around acceptable behavior, and make it clear that continued neglect of your needs and feelings will have repercussions for the marriage.

This could involve seeking temporary separation, initiating a trial period of individual counseling, or seeking legal advice to protect your interests and those of your children. Stand firm in advocating for your rights and demonstrating that you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect in your marriage.

Kate is another woman who is having arguments with her husband, this time over money-related issues. Her husband is refusing to pay for his stepson’s college tuition, yet he spoils his own daughter with gifts. Kate believes that this is unfair and has written to us for advice. Read her full story here.